Bah...
I could go off on that for hours, but that's not what this is about. This is about hard choices... medium... not the big huge changes that change you all at once, but the ones that are smaller that you have to make over and over again that may not really change you once or twice but when repeated will change you more than those big ones can. you trackin with me?
every day we get out of bed. That is the kind I'm talking about. You can stay in bed, lounge around in your PJs for the day and ignore the world and it will have a pretty drastic impact on your day, but not necessarily your life. That is until you make a habit of it and stop leaving your house altogether.
these choices can at first seem smaller than even that; who we choose to talk to, where eat, where we work, people you pass by, how you react to the people you pass by, giving a crap for the people you pass by, insulting the people you pass by. thats a lot of passing by. These choices are all small in and of themselves and may affect us and those we come into contact with for a day or only a few seconds, but when this behavior is repeated day after day, and these actions build atop one another, we know that this is going to affect the greater direction of our future.
If we don't take time to interact with people, we will never know them. If we treat them like dirt, we will view them as dirt. If we punch them in the face, we will be arrested and be given a restraining order.
Sometimes I put the blinders on and choose not to look down the long term road. I know it's there, and with every action I make i know that i am ultimately bringing closer my impending doom, but if i look upon my actions as isolated incidents, it doesn't seem so bad. There are countless things in every part of my life where the choices are made so quick that i barely take the time to recognize them at all, but I do (ok, maybe not all, but a lot of them). I see my ways become tainted; I keep my mouth shut as i slowly give myself over to cynicism, I continue to look at the street avoiding eye contact as I struggle to love people, I stop seeking after God eventually I don't care to. Meanwhile I (that is that little me that I know i am that sits inside my head) am just along for the ride, wondering how i arrived where i am, but still to callused and selfish to redirect myself. Everyday these choices are made, and the more you make in one direction the easier it is to continue on that path, and the harder it is to turn back. It's like a freakin KOTOR game! Only you can't restart.
I have seen people around me at point that i would hope i never am, but know if i continue, i will end up just like them. So now i am presented with not one choice, but many, over a long, long, long period of time. I would take any one big decision over these several smaller seeming ones. But these little in between ones are the choices that life is really made of, and if i choose to continue to ignore them, they will make me.
