I am great at shifting blame.
I can do it with anything, even if i am caught red handed it doesn't need to be my fault. I simply come up with a few reasons why I had to react the way I did and i am good to go.
Where does this come from? How did I get to be this way? It probably started as my younger brothers started showing up and I realized that if they caused me to do something I wouldn't get in trouble for it and neither would they. No matter how it started, I am now a justification master, able to realize that i have no control over what I do, it's all because of the circumstances I have been put through and now stand in. Any person with my life, my genetic makeup, in my situation would do the exact same
thing. Just google it, free will doesn't exist and there are hundreds if not thousands of 15-35 year olds living off their parents buck while they drink mountain dew gaining copious amounts of self worth off of people replying to their controversial forum posts who will tell you that (to be fair their are a few well thought out people too, I think the ratio is .5 : 3,000). With definitive proof from the worlds leading whiners how can you argue with the facts!? I have no control over my actions and neither do you, neither does your kid brother, neither does that guy who shoots up his school, and neither did Hitler. It's Just the way we are.When I wrestle with things in my life, decisions I have to make, the things i fall short on, the people I hurt, It's good to be able to take a step back and realize that I have no control, I was forced to be in the situation I am in, and the choices to be made are going to make themselves because i am only capable of making one. Life is a choose your own adventure book where they don't even print half the pages because they know, despite logic, you are going to choose to steal the pirates treasure instead of making friends with the merfolk.
Load of crap.
Though it is convenient for me to blame my actions on the circumstances and set wiring of my brain who am I kidding. We (and by we I mean I) need to man up and own our choices. It sucks, and it hurts. A lot actually. But we are the ones that make our decisions that impact our lives. I feel so weak throughout my day, how can i possibly be expected to deal with everything that is thrown at me and make the right decision every time? It's just too much, anyone in my shoes would cave, it is not possible.
It is possible. It just takes "too much" effort. It relies "too much" on other people. It depends "too much" on God, or maybe it's not enough. I have gotten to the point that i have taken several things in my life, thrown them before God, told him to pick up the pieces, and until then I am going to fail. If he cares, he will take care of them. So I have no choice what I do. I do what i told God i would do until he takes care of it, because he says he will provide the strength right? So he needs to tae care of it. It's his life after all, not mine. If it is so freaking important he can take it! I don't want it anyway, I didn't ask him for it, so i gave it back just like he wanted, and now it's like he just throws it in the corner with his dirty laundry.
Woe is me. This broken man who has been given the world and refuses to take it.
